July 27, 2009
US Law & The Haitian Zombie Threat
Given the dire existential conditions and the constant struggle for survival that characterize life in today’s Haiti, it is no surprise that even the zombie population there has begun to leave the country in search of greener pastures elsewhere. The US being the primary target of opportunity for those fleeing economic hardship or political strife at home, Washington politicians, then, seem to have good reasons to worry about a possible zombie invasion from Haiti. However, despite clear evidence that the zombie migration has already begun in ernest, no laws have so far been enacted and, consequently, no specific measures have been taken to deal with the emerging threat.
Fortunately, it is fair to say, there is no need to panic. The Haitian zombie, contrary to its Hollywood counterpart, is not the flesh-eating, out-of-control monster often depicted in the movies. He is simply someone who is in need of a soul — his God-given soul having been cast out of his body by malicious Voodoo-worshipping sorcerers. In fact, the Haitian zombie could very well have been the Scarecrow since many a philosopher, among them Aristotle, has identified the brain as the possible location of the soul. Thus, if you are not afraid of the Scarecrow, you should not be fearful of the Haitian zombie either. Already, the Orneuve case currently before the US courts offers a window into how a zombie invasion from Haiti might play out on American soil. The battles, it seems, will be fought in the courts of law, not in the streets of Miami or New York.
In 1994, Jacques Orneuve sailed to Florida with a group of like-minded countrymen, determined to start a new life in the US. He eventually settled in Miami where he was able to find steady work. His luck ran out in 2007 when he, allegedly, suffered an injury that left him severely impaired, precluding any future gainful employment. He then applied for Social Security disability benefits, claiming to be totally and permanently disabled. Doing due diligence to substantiate the claim, Social Security Administration (SSA) contacted Haitian Authorities in Port-au-Prince and were informed that Jacques Orneuve had died in 1993 at the age of 51, and had not been seen around since. Social Security then denied the claim, having determined that the applicant, Jacques Orneuve, is dead and has no rights to disability compensation, no matter what he says happened to him.
Mr. Orneuve, surprisingly, does not dispute the truth of the report about his obituary. Sure, he acknowledged that he died and wqs duly burried, as reported by Haitians authorities in Port-au-Prince but, he added, his relatives, former friends and neighbors in Haiti, all can testify to the fact that, about five days after his death, he was exhumed and brought back to life by professional zombie-makers, allegedly, a common occurence in Haiti. Zombies, he further informs SSA, enjoy official recognition as living-dead under Haitian law; they are an integral part of the Haitian social fabric and, as unreal or illogical that might sound to closed-minded people, they have the same hopes and aspirations as everyone else, he said. To deny him the rights enjoyed by all other lawful US residents under the Constitution, he concluded, is to discriminate against him on the basis of his identity, of who he is as a person, that is to say, a real zombie. Social Security refused to cave in, stating that, for all intents and purposes, Mr. Orneuve does not exist. Any other decision regarding Mr. Orneuve's continuing presence on earth would have required them to make statements that are plainly beyond the scope of their competence or administrative duty. Obviously, as an institution grounded in reality, they don't do voodoo.
Meanwhile, Mr. Orneuve, all lawyered up, maintains that his zombie status should not be questioned in any manner, shape or form. He argues that what matters is the unrefutable fact of his existence, regardless of anyone's point of view about zombie or Voodoo. He is suing the US government for violating his rights to equal treatment under the law. The case is headed for the Court of Appeals, and might even reach the Supreme Court. The difficult question the Justices will have to answer is whether, in a sane and rational world, one can subsribe to the proposition that there can be life after death or, more narrowly, whether a man can claim to be alive with only half a soul. It is hoped that they will all read the “Haitian Zombie Secret” and acquaint themselves with the Doricent case which offers a unique perspective in zombiology.